


snake the drain

by thunderylee



Category: Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, established koyatego
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-03-03
Packaged: 2019-01-21 12:19:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12457656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Tegoshi hires a plumber to plunge his toilet – and his roommate.





	snake the drain

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“I can’t decide if I want the pizza guy or the Chinese food guy,” Uchi says thoughtfully as Tegoshi fluffs his hair in the mirror.

“Well, do you feel like pizza or Chinese food?” Tegoshi asks. “It’s not really a hard decision.”

“It has nothing to do with the food,” Uchi replies with a wink. “It’s _all_ about the delivery.”

Tegoshi watches himself gasp adorably in the mirror. “You mean you call them for…”

“Yup!” Uchi replies. “I like to mix it up, though. My favorite is the cable guy, but they’ve started charging me trip fees.”

“Isn’t that prostitution?” Tegoshi tone is casual as he pulls a tube of lip gloss from his bag.

“Not really.” Uchi puckers his lips, and Tegoshi puts the lip gloss on him, too. “I get the service I paid for, just a little _extra_.”

Tegoshi’s furrowed brow isn’t nearly as cute, but he’s honestly confused. “How do you know you’ll get someone who even likes guys? What about all of the gross old men?”

“Relax, Yuuya, you’ll get wrinkles if you keep making that face,” Uchi says, and Tegoshi immediately calms his expression. “There’s a code that you give the customer service rep when you make the appointment. It’s practically universal, imported from the States.”

“What’s the code?” Tegoshi asks curiously.

“DTF,” Uchi answers. “It means ‘down to fuck’ in English. Every service company in the _world_ knows this code.”

“Huh.” Tegoshi pouts in thought. “We’ve been needing our toilet fixed _forever_. My roommate is stubborn and keeps thinking he can fix it himself.”

“Oh, I know a great plumber,” Uchi says fondly. “He’s got a smart mouth on him, but he’ll get the job done.”

Tegoshi smirks. “ _Both_ jobs?”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?!” Uchi asks incredulously. “Kei-chan is so sweet and good to you, I can’t believe you would cheat on him-”

“Not for me!” Tegoshi rushes to say, grabbing onto Uchi’s arm for emphasis. “I love Kei-chan with all of my heart and he is the only delivery service I need.”

He feels Uchi calm down and smiles – Uchi is so protective of his best friend. “Who, then?”

“My roommate, of course,” Tegoshi answers, noticing the devious look forming in his own eye. “I don’t think he’s _ever_ been laid.”

Uchi starts laughing, and Tegoshi doesn’t blame him. His roommate Masuda seems like he’d have a chastity belt on his pants for how disinterested in sex he is; the only reason Tegoshi even knows he likes guys is because they share a computer and Masuda doesn’t know how to clear his browser history. Calling a DTF for him would either result in a disaster or be the best thing that ever happened to him.

“Ryo-chan would be perfect for him, actually,” Uchi says. “He’s very direct and thorough. If anyone could seduce Massu, it would be this guy.”

“All right, boys, back to work!” hollers a voice from the other side of the bathroom door, and Tegoshi rushes to pack up his cosmetics and blow himself a kiss in the mirror. “Can’t you chat _while_ you sell clothes? You two gossip more than a pair of women.”

“Sorry, Meisa-san,” Uchi and Tegoshi mutter as they duck out of the bathroom and squeeze past her. She’s seven months pregnant on top of being a bitch normally, so they don’t want to set her off.

He asks Uchi for this Ryo-chan’s number anyway. Either way, their toilet will get fixed.

*

Massu blinks at the man on the other side of the door. “You’re here to fix what?”

“Your plumbing.” He shows off his tool belt for emphasis. “I’m on a schedule, so if you could just point in the general direction of your bathroom, that would be awesome.”

Blankly, Massu lifts his arm towards the hall, and the stranger shoves past him. It’s such a blatant action that Massu almost gets angry at being disrespected in his own home, but there’s something about the movement that calms him. The fact that it was intentional, for one thing, followed by no apology or even remorse for bumping him.

“Do I know you?” Massu asks carefully as he follows the plumber to the bathroom.

“I don’t know, do you?” is the short answer. “My name is Nishikido Ryo.”

“Nishikido…” Massu repeats, thinking back to school and every part-time job he’s had. “No, doesn’t ring a bell.”

Ryo kneels down to peer behind the toilet, then looks over his shoulder to smirk at Massu. “You know, when someone introduces themselves to you, it’s customary to introduce yourself in return.”

“I’m Masuda Takahisa,” Massu says quickly, wondering whether he should extend his hand to shake. Ryo’s hands look busy and Massu ends up just fisting the seams of his shorts as he’s at a loss.

Ryo eyes the cartoon pig on his shirt. “I think I’ll call you Buta.”

Suddenly Massu wishes he had worn his Superman shirt. “Did my roommate Tegoshi call you?”

“Yeah, said you were stubborn,” Ryo grunts, and Massu blinks as the small man fits perfectly between the toilet and the sink counter, his ass sticking up in the air. “I’m a bit stubborn myself, so I can relate.”

“I’m not stubborn,” Massu mumbles, trying not to ogle too much. Even with a belt, Ryo’s jeans are riding down and exposing a black waistband to his eye. He remembers what his sister’s magazines always said about black underwear being an invite for sex and wonders if that applies to guys too.

Ryo scoffs. “If I can admit it, so can you. Since you insist on standing there and watching me, make yourself useful and grab the wrench from my tool belt.”

Now, being fairly self-sufficient at handyman-type endeavors makes Massu very aware of what a wrench is, but when he sees where it’s located on Ryo’s belt, he wants to feign ignorance. In order to reach it, he’d have to lean over Ryo’s bent form and reach halfway around his waist. If his fingers slipped even a little bit, he’d get further with Ryo than he has with anyone.

As he stands there and contemplates it, the thought becomes more and more appealing. He’s not sure what it is that finally makes him give in and go for it, but the next second has him on his knees behind Ryo, hovering just far enough away to be decent and lowering a shaky hand to his waist.

Suddenly there’s a spray of water from behind the toilet and Ryo swears, grabbing the wrench himself and pushing Massu’s hand into his crotch in the process. Massu’s eyes widen and he falls backwards, landing with an ‘oof’ and watching in disbelief as Ryo sits up, wipes the water out of his face and runs his fingers through his damp hair, and all Massu can think is that he really needs to get out of there. Now.

“I-I’ll get you a towel,” Massu rushes to say, scrambling to his feet, and when he comes back, the valve is clamped shut, though Ryo is mostly soaked from the battle.

“Next time don’t try to fix shit on your own,” Ryo says firmly as he accepts the towel. “It makes it harder for us professionals to do it properly.”

“Sorry,” Massu says sheepishly.

Ryo takes one look at him and rolls his eyes. “Okay, I’ll show you how to do it in case it happens again, but don’t go into business and give me competition, all right?”

“I won’t,” Massu replies, a grin spreading on his face as he leans over the toilet to watch and learn. He asks questions and pays attention to what Ryo says, and he can tell that even Ryo is impressed with his studiousness.

“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” Ryo asks him. “Or I’m just a great teacher, which we both know is a lie.”

“I don’t like relying on others to do things I can do myself,” Massu explains with a shrug. “Tegoshi’s always ready to call someone the second he doesn’t understand something, but I want to figure it out on my own. We’ve been like this since school.”

“Well, they say opposites attract,” Ryo says pointedly, and the hairs on the back of Massu’s neck stand up.

“We’re not _together_!” he practically yells, but Ryo just looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “I mean, not that I even like guys, you know.”

“Relax,” Ryo says, and something about his tone is comforting. “I’m a plumber. You’ll never see me again. What the fuck do you care what I know about you?”

“Even if I _was_ into guys,” Massu goes on, trying to look nonchalant, “Tegoshi would be at the bottom of the list. Not even on the list. He’s practically a woman, anyway.”

“How awful,” Ryo says sympathetically, and Massu nods, glad _someone_ gets it. “What about me?”

“What about…” Massu trails off, his nerves racing again. “Huh?”

“Am I on the list?” Ryo asks casually, folding his arms on the closed toilet lid and resting his chin on them, looking entirely too cute. “It would be kind of insulting if I wasn’t, you know. There’s nothing feminine about me.”

“No, there isn’t,” Massu agrees, breathing slowly as he watches Ryo watch him. “I suppose, if I _was_ into guys, and one night stands, you… would be on the list.”

Ryo grins, and it’s so wicked that Massu shivers. “So which one is stopping you?”

“Huh?” Massu says again, though he knows his face gives him away. He swallows hard, considers his options, and accepts the fact that the first person he comes out to is a plumber he’s known for less than an hour. “The one night stands, I guess.”

“Then don’t stand,” Ryo says, and Massu belatedly realizes he’s coming closer. “ _Move._ ”

It doesn’t make sense until lips press against his, kick-starting Massu’s hormones that have him reaching out for Ryo’s arms to keep himself steady. Ryo tastes minty with a hint of smoke and Massu likes the way he kisses slowly, like he has all day despite being ‘on a schedule’. It’s Massu who opens his mouth first, fueled by years of pent-up frustration, but Ryo meets Massu’s tongue with his own and the next thing Massu knows, Ryo’s on his back.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he confesses, half excited and half terrified, and he jumps when he feels Ryo’s hands on his hips.

“Relax,” Ryo says again, his voice deeper than before. “I’ll take care of you.”

Right now, Massu believes him. He’s still shuddering as Ryo’s touch drops to his thighs, coaxing them on either side of his body to straddle his waist, and Massu gasps at the first feeling of something hard between his legs. He hadn’t known how aroused he was until Ryo was rubbing against him, rocking up with his entire body and it’s even hotter when Ryo devours him from below.

Fingers slide back up his thighs, grope both cheeks of his ass, and continue upwards, pulling his shirt with them. Massu pulls back enough for Ryo to pull it off, and he’s about to take it from him until he realizes that Ryo placed it on the closed toilet lid and not the floor. It’s thoughtful enough for Massu to smile into the kiss – it’s bad enough they were already _grinding_ on the floor.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re hot,” Ryo hisses, and Massu feels his skin growing warm as Ryo explores his chest, dropping his mouth down to Massu’s neck. He arches when Ryo sucks under his jaw, moans out loud when Ryo’s nails snag a nipple, and the next thrust of their lower halves together is initiated by Massu. “Eager?”

Massu’s certain that his blush isn’t completely out of embarrassment, but Ryo doesn’t appear to wait around for an answer as he drops a hand to Massu’s waist and goes right for the bulge. Now Massu’s groan has definition, his body pushing into the touch, and it’s easy for Ryo to open Massu’s shorts and slip inside to touch him directly. It’s a million times better than touching himself and Massu can’t stop his hips from moving, his own fingers twisting in Ryo’s wet hair to pull him back up for another heated kiss.

He’s so distracted that he doesn’t notice the rest of his clothes being removed until he feels cool air where he never has before, followed by lubricated fingers sliding up the back of his thigh. His only coherent thought is that Ryo still has all of his clothes on, tugging pointedly at his shirt until Ryo pulls it over his head, and Massu rushes to unfasten the tool belt before attacking his regular belt and the fastenings of his jeans.

Ryo’s cock is hot and heavy and Ryo groans into Massu’s mouth as he strokes it, his legs spreading wider as Ryo gets closer between them. He’s never done anything like this before, though he’s thought about it, experimenting with his own fingers and he already knows Ryo’s going to do it better than he ever could. The first one goes in easily, but the second one takes some effort and Ryo sneaks it in as he smears a small bead of precome that forms on the head of Massu’s cock with his thumb.

“Shh,” Ryo whispers, and Massu realizes he’s been making desperate, pitiful noises this whole time. He tries to stop, but it just gets worse when Ryo angles his fingers and touches something deep inside him, his grunts vibrating Massu’s tongue as Massu’s hips rock back against him on their own. “Come up here.”

Massu doesn’t know what exactly Ryo is implying until he slides up Ryo’s chest and sits on his collarbone, his eyes widening as Ryo flicks out his tongue to lick the wet tip of Massu’s cock. Then Massu’s eyes roll back into his head, both hands thrusting into Ryo’s hair, and Ryo lets Massu guide him that way as his length disappears past Ryo’s lips.

“Oh, my god,” Massu gets out, his hips rolling on their own as Ryo’s mouth tightens around him, and within three thrusts he’s fucking Ryo’s face. “I-I’m not going to last long.”

He expects Ryo to pull back, tell him to save it, but he just sucks harder and fingers him faster and Massu’s coming before he can even acknowledge it. His moan comes after the fact and it’s Ryo who urges him to slide down his lean torso, capturing his lips again and now there’s a hint of bitterness in his taste that Massu doesn’t mind at all, particularly now that Ryo’s stretching him purposefully.

Another finger and Massu’s a mess, feeling out of control of his own body as Ryo’s other hand leaves his length and the distinct sound of crinkling foil can be heard. Massu has a brief second of conscience where he realizes what he’s about to do, and with whom, but then Ryo’s slathering lube on his sheathed erection with a deep growl and all Massu knows is _need_ , the force of it leading him to sit on Ryo’s cock the second Ryo withdraws his fingers.

“Fuck,” Ryo gasps, and it’s hot how he trembles beneath Massu as Massu sinks down onto him. It’s big and thick but he can handle it, the head grazing against that spot when Ryo thrusts up from below. “Ride me, Buta.”

He doesn’t have to tell Massu twice. It’s a bit exhilarating, establishing the rhythm on his own while Ryo meets it with his own input. He looks down and sees Ryo watching him, shivers under his stare and feels compelled to move faster, bounce harder and take him in even deeper, the moans escaping from his lungs as Ryo slams into him. It’s like something straight out of the pornos he watches on the Internet, but it feels a lot less vulgar despite the colorful words spilling from Ryo’s lips.

Ryo’s hands tighten on his waist, his back arching as his mouth drops open and Massu thinks he’s gorgeous when he comes, slowing down as Ryo abruptly stops moving and eventually falls still. It’s only a little awkward when Massu crawls off of him, stretching his legs and cringing at the inevitable soreness as he puts his clothes back on.

Ryo just remains sprawled out on the title, his pants around his knees and his chest heaving with each breath. “So don’t try to fix anything on your own anymore, okay? Just call me. I’ll leave you my card.”

Massu thinks he’ll break the kitchen sink _tomorrow_.

*

“Sometimes I feel like I have two boyfriends,” Koyama says pointedly, but Tegoshi notices he doesn’t rush to shove Uchi off of his other shoulder.

“Because Hiro-chan is a cockblock,” Tegoshi answers sweetly, and Uchi makes a dumb face back at him.

“Don’t worry, lovebirds, I’ll be leaving soon,” he promises. “I have someone coming over tonight to check the lighting in my bedroom.”

Koyama rolls his eyes. “Still on with the DTFs?” he asks. “When are you going to settle down with someone you don’t have to make an appointment for?”

Uchi just laughs. “Monogamy isn’t for everyone, Kei-chan. Don’t be narrow-minded.”

A sigh sounds into Tegoshi’s hair, and Tegoshi snuggles closer. “To each their own,” he says brightly.

Then the doorbell rings, and Tegoshi frowns. “I wonder who that is? I’m not expecting anyone.”

“Can you get that?” Massu yells from his room. “I’m not ready yet.”

Tegoshi knows that his gape is just as big as Uchi’s as they both trip over each other to rush the door and see who Massu could possibly be going out with. It’s a man -Tegoshi feels vindicated – though he’s kind of on the small side. Nice looking enough, Tegoshi supposes, but not his type at all. He wants a man who can top him.

“Ryo-chan!” Uchi screams, and everything clicks in Tegoshi’s head. “I thought you weren’t doing DTF anymore? I requested you the other day and that’s what they told me.”

Ryo narrows his eyes. “You were told right. I’m here to pick up Buta.”

“Who is…” Tegoshi starts, then Massu comes into the room all smiles. “Oh, my god.”

“Thanks,” Massu says to Tegoshi, and Tegoshi’s heart breaks a little at how _happy_ he is. “Have you met Nishikido-kun?”

“Never seen him before in my life,” Uchi lies smoothly.

“We should go,” Ryo says to Massu. “The reservation is at six.”

Massu grins back at his roommate. “Enjoy your evening, Tegoshi.”

“You too,” Tegoshi replies, still in awe as the pair of them disappear into the hallway.

On the couch, Koyama looks sufficiently amused. “Maybe Hiro-chan will find his true love through DTF as well!”

“I don’t know.” Uchi makes a face. “I hope it’s not the one I’m meeting tonight. Yamapi’s hot and all, but not all there in the head, if you know what I mean. And he’s a really shitty electrician, but god can he suck a mean dick.”

“Isn’t it time for you to go?” Tegoshi asks, helpfully opening the door for him.

“Okay, okay,” Uchi says, waving back at Koyama as he takes his leave. “See you at work tomorrow, Yuuya.”

“See you.” Tegoshi closes the door behind him and practically pounces on Koyama. “ _Finally_.”

“Small Mountain Healthcare,” Koyama says in a fake phone voice. “What’s the nature of your call?”

“I need a doctor,” Tegoshi answers quickly, stretching out on top of Koyama as he presses their lips together. “I feel feverish.”

“You’re in luck,” Koyama replies. “Koyama-sensei is available for an immediate exam.”


End file.
